The Rules

Maintaining a group of over 45,000 members discussing such sensitive topics is hard.  Help us keep things on track and do real education by reading and following the rules for our group.

Rule 1: Respect All People's Identities and Pronouns
  1. When you enter this group, you must respect ALL people’s identities and ALL pronouns. Accidental misgendering (Rule 8) is ok as long as you acknowledge the mistake and quickly correct it (meaning editing your comment/post).
  2. No purposely using someones birth name if you know it (Rule 6).
  3. If you don’t know someone’s pronouns, ask! “What are your pronouns?” “What pronouns do you use?” When in doubt, use they/them/theirs
  4. We don’t really care if you think someone’s identity or pronoun is “fake” It is not your place to judge others identities. Making fun of different gender identities will result in a mute and/or ban
Rule 2: Remain Civil in ALL Discourse
  1. When we say “ALL” discourse, we mean “ALL” discourse. “ALL” =/= “remain civil all the time unless someone seems like a troll, then it’s ok.”
  2. We mean ALL discourse you have in this group should be informative to others in some way. We mean it when we say behave and be civil in ALL discourse. We mute anyone that we see not being civil.
  3. This includes:
    1. Ableism: calling someone stupid/idiot/dumb/R-slur for not knowing the answer to a question or ignorant about a certain topic. Punishment is a mute.
    2. Name calling: Self explanatory. Same as above. This includes calling people TERFs, Truscum, Tucute, Trolls, etc. Please avoid name calling, it causes people to become defensive, which in return, makes them unwilling to listen or learn any further. Punishment is a mute. *Racial/homophobic/transphobic/xenophobic/etc comments are an auto ban
    3. Dog-piling:Dog piling is when several people “jump on” or “attack” or “overwhelm” the person asking a question, usually in the comment section. This can cause multiple different conversations to be happening in the same comment thread.
      1. Only comment if you read through the thread and you are adding in information that had not been said yet or share sources. Don’t reanimate an dead thread that is several hours/days/months old. You’re just stirring up more drama that already was finished. Punishment is a mute
    4. Sealioning: “A type of trolling or harassment which consists of pursuing people with persistent requests for evidence or repeated questions, while maintaining a pretense of civility. It may take the form of "incessant, bad-faith invitations to engage in debate".” Punishment is a mute
    5. Oppression Olympics: Telling someone you have it worse than them/someone else when the person is expressing their personal struggles. Punishment is a mute
    6. Dirty Deleting: Deleting a post or comment. We keep up comments not only for accountability, but others can learn from your comments too. Not to mention the time and effort people made into answering your question. Imagine spending hours or even the whole day arguing , getting sources, and giving emotional energy, only for the person delete it all. Punishment is a mute
      1. If you made a comment by accident and wish to delete it, tag an admin and ask for permission first, most of the time we say it’s ok.
    7. No “Google it”: Don’t tell others to google it, or do their own research. They are doing their own research. That’s why they are in this group. This is literally a space for people to ask questions. Not all questions can be answered by google. Not everyone is neurotypical and can have their questions easily answered and understood by a quick google search. Not everyone is familiar with what sources are reliable and which are not reliable. Punishment is a mute
    8. No self-modding, this is when the average member tells other average members what to do, what they think should or should not be approved, and what rules they think they’re breaking. They tend to be really bossy, especially towards other admins,
      1. Letting a member know something is against the rules is fine. attempting to treat the situation as if you were a mod/admin yourself will result in a mute
        1. Hey, I just wanted to let you know this group doesn’t allow violent comments towards the opposition, so you may want to edit your comment” <- This is ok
        2. “Admins can we ban this person? you realize this is against the rules right? they’re a troll” <- not ok
    9. No “laugh reacting” to serious responses
      1. When someone is trying to explain a topic, or talk about a serious experience, it doesn’t feel great when someone laughs at you. We know it sounds silly, but the way people respond to us online affects us in real life. Shocker. “Laugh reacting” is just the same as laughing at someone’s response. It gives the same feeling, and causes people to become defensive and less receptive to information. Don’t do it.
    10. No suggesting to unfriend/block/Dump them or to not bother trying
      1. Many people are coming here to get resources to have a conversation with their friends or family who they care enough about to want to try to save that relationship by educating them.
        1. Example: If someone makes a post saying
          “my [parent/friend/coworker/sibling/relative] just posted this, how to i explain to them this is transphobic and bad?”
        2. DO NOT just comment saying “I would just block them, fuck transphobes!” or “cut them out of your life, you don’t need that transphobic energy in your life!
        3. Many people are asking advice for relatives, not everyone has the ability to just block a parent/sibling/relative over a Facebook post, especially if they live with that person. It may cause issues and punishment in real life for that person.
        4. We are here to have a conversation and educate, just blocking people right off the bat or not bothering is not going to educate anyone. People tend to be more receptive towards new challenging information if it’s coming from someone they are friendly with. They may also have no idea what they posted was transphobia, and will continue to post the same content because no one had told them otherwise.
Rule 3: No Hate Speech or Bullying
    1. This means any degrading comments about race, religion, sexual orientation, sex, Gender identity/expression, disability, employment status, immigration status, political views, etc, will not be tolerated. As stated in Rule: 2 Any derogatory slurs results in an auto-ban.
Rule 4: Banned Topics
  1. Dating/genital preferences: This subject is largely debated in the trans community, unfortunately, no one can really give one single straight answer, everyone has widely different opinions and it’s an extremely deep layered complex topic. 9/10 times it ends in a dumpster fire. We currently have a master post on this topic, so please search for that if you have questions regarding any part of this. If the thread is closed down, it means moderators/admins are unavailable to properly watch the thread, and it will open up later.
  2. Trans people in Sports/Athletes: This topic is also a difficult one as different sports have different requirements, different requirements for different teams, leagues, levels, skill, etc. Only one of the admins is skilled/knowledgeable enough to handle or cover this topic and they are currently needing to focus on school so cannot devote the time to keep an eye on any/all threads that might arise from this topic.
    1. We now have a MEGA THREAD on this topic where it can be discussed.  LINK
  3. Certain “celebrities” or well known names within the transgender community or who are transgender: We wind up receiving multiple posts on the same person with either little to no variation/difference in the posts being submitted and often during times when the title is something like, “Have you seen what person X has done now?!” or asking for discourse about the person’s thoughts/opinions.
    1. People such as Jessica Yaniv, Natalie Wynn (Contrapoints), and similar.
    2. As these people are not part of the group and as such cannot defend themselves or explain/clarify their points to us, we feel it’s best to avoid discourse on them when it comes to their actions or “validity” of what they do.
  4. ACAB, police focused, and similar discussions: Because we are a group that allows EVERYONE regardless of political views, many people have different views on police and law enforcement. However try to avoid any cop discourse at all as any disagreements causes a dumpster fire and derails the post.
    1. Spamming “ACAB” on a post does not help educate others. It creates defensiveness, derails the conversations, and starts fights among people who are here to learn. Yes, sometimes people need to be led gently away from their ignorant or harmful views. Simply posting ACAB doesn’t help and has only shown to repeatedly hinder the work here. The admin team can understand the sentiment and feeling behind it, however it is not conducive to a learning environment.
      1. Because this apparently has to be said regarding a single post regarding a dead former police officer: Posting comments mocking a dead person (regardless of their profession) is in violation of rules 1 and 2.
    2. Generally all posts dealing with the police are denied. There are a few posts that have been approved, however the focus of the post has not been on the police, but on the topic of the trans person in question. For example, the article of the trans woman who was a police woman who upon death was dressed as a man and referred to as a man. The topic in question is the wishes of the dead not being honored, not that they were at one point a cop.
    3. This rule came about because people couldn’t follow rules 1 and 2. The admins have a long open history of being critical of all forms of law enforcement, and are open to making a master post if they can get enough accurate and available information to create a master post, but until then please let’s remember rules 1 and 2.
  5. Medical Topics
    1. Do not share any dosage information for yourself or for others. 
    2. You may share medical advice only in the form that it is being presented by an authoritative source, study, etc.,
    3. We do not discuss DIY HRT or allow discussion about herbal supplements that can be used to DIY HRT. 
  6. Genderless Theorycrafting
    1. Discussions about a world without gender might be interesting but they are not practical education. 
    2. Gender Abolitionist Posts
      1. For the same reason above, these discussions are seldom helpful to our members and are often unnecessarily divisive.
    3. We may start a master thread to group these topics together at a later day.  
Rule 5: Content Warning Requirements
  1. A CW/TW is a Content/Trigger Warning. It allows members to see what the post is about before they see the actual post, just in case it triggers a PTSD flashback and/or anxiety/panic attack.
  2. This group has a blanket content warning for transphobia. You WILL see transphobia in this group, accidental or purposeful, you will see it.
    1. No need to “CW: Transphobia” on a post. It’s like putting a CW: Tattoo, while being in a tattoo group. It’s redundant.
  3. For example:
    1. CW: description of sexual assault,
      [Post involving description of sexual assault]
    2. Posts showing/talking about violence, threats of violence, gore, blood, sexual assault/harassment/abuse, child abuse, self harm, eating disorders, suicide, derogatory slurs, and other major serious topics are required to be added in order for the post to be approved.
    3. Other possible triggers must be added per request.
    4. Refusing to add CW/TW’s will result in a mute and admins will repost your post with the appropriate CW/TW’s
    5. Making fun of ANY triggers or requests will result in a mute
      1. To avoid the zucc™, please censor ALL obvious slurs Even if you’re reclaiming them. Please censor them.
Rule 6: Respect Everyone's Privacy
Respect Everyone’s Privacy
  1. We do not allow doxing in this group. This is an Auto-Ban
  2. Do NOT out anyone in this group. This is an Auto-Ban
  3. Do NOT profile creep
    1. Do not look at a person’s profile as a means to dig up dirt about the person you are talking/arguing to. We allow EVERYONE in this group regardless of political ideations. 
    2. Some people may not be out on their public profile. 
  4. If you know someone’s birth name DO NOT USE IT. We will ask you to edit your comment/post. Refusal to do so will be a mute. Fighting with admins to justify using someone’s birth name or refusal to call a certain person anything but their birth name at all is an Auto-Ban.
  5. Do not screenshot posts and share them (Even if you censor the names and the group) in other groups without permission. This is an Auto-Ban
    1. IF YOU GET CONSENT TO SHARE: please say so in the comments in this group AND acknowledging you had permission to share it in whichever group you shared it to.
    2. We do this to protect people’s privacy as we want people to ask questions and talk openly without fear of being harassed or made fun of for their ignorance or beliefs. As well as many individuals are trying to figure out their identity and are not our of the closet just yet. Sharing screenshots without permission could put someone in danger. Don’t do it.
  6. Censor names, faces, and groups, to avoid doxing
    1. Censor ALL names, groups, faces, etc to hide the person’s identity
    2. You DO NOT have to censor names or faces of politicians, celebrities, businesses, etc. or if it’s a public post.
    3. Please write in the post Not censored: public post.” If not, we will assume you forgot to censor your post and delete it and notify you via deletion ticket on why your post was deleted.
  7. DO NOT Send unsolicited friend requests or messages to members, mods, and/or admins of this group.  Ask permission to message members/mods/admins of the group or interact with their profiles in any way. 
    1. This is for the protection of parent/guardian and child against doxxing. 
Rule 7: Do Not Make Threats Towards The Opposition
  1. In this group, we assume all who oppose trans people are just uneducated. In this group, its our job to educate those people in a civilized manner.
    Treat this group like school. If you wouldn’t say it in the middle of class to a classmate, student, or teacher, don’t say it here.
  2. This includes known and obvious transphobes. Not only do these threats make us look bad, but it also risks us getting zucced. So please don’t.
    1. If you make a threat you’ll be asked to edit it out of your comment/post. If you refuse, it will be deleted and you will be muted.
    2. You may however expression your disapproval however you’d like towards criminals.
Rule 8: Terminology/Accidental Offensive Posts
  1. We all make mistakes we all have to learn at some point, so its totally ok if you accidentally use the wrong term, or ask or say something offensive. As long as you are open to correcting your mistakes (which may include editing your post/comment)
  2. If you are unsure if you are correct, using the right terminology, or are understanding something correctly, please write it on the post and we’d be happy to correct you on your mistakes.
  3. If you are cis, do not argue with trans people about what terms are ok and not ok to use. You’re here to listen to us
  4. DO NOT harass or yell at the OP for using the wrong terminology or saying something offensive. Politely correct them and move on answering their question.
    1. For example:
      1. Q: "What kind of difficulties do transgenders face in the workforce?"
      2. Preferred Answer: "Transgender people* face a lot of discrimination during the hiring process due to XYZ...(and so on)

        *Transgender is an adjective, not a noun, so transgenders is incorrect. instead say transgender people, person, man, woman, etc."

      3. Not Preferred Answer: "Why would you think thats an ok thing to call someone?! How do you not understand that trans people face so many problems in the workforce?! Admin! Get this troll out of here!"
  5. If you are unsure what someone’s pronouns are, please ask! It's ok and we encourage others to ask each other their pronouns!
  6. If you fight against the members and try justifying your reasoning for using an offensive word, or argue its not that offensive, etc will result in a mute/ban depending on the situation.
Rule 9: We May Not approve Posts If...
  1. Break one of the rules.
    1. Example: All posts regarding children under the age of 18 MUST be sent in anonymously. Photos/videos must have the child's face censored.
      1. This is to protect the family and child from acts of doxxing that can result in false reports of child abuse.  
  2. General LGB stuff....
    1. We are a group about transgender education. We focus on gender identity, not sexual orientation. Posts asking us to define the difference between bisexual and pansexual, what is asexual etc. 
    2. Or posts that are generic gay themed such as sharing photos of a rainbow flag saying love is love. Or what your city is doing for pride, or a religious protester saying gays go to hell. Those have no educational value about trans people and gender identity. 
  3. Asking members to spam/post/leave
    1. Swaying votes on a poll
    2. Spam positive/negative comments on a persons post/page/business
    3. Asking people to leave a group or warning people about a group because they did/said something transphobic
      1. "X group is transphobic cuz X mod did XYZ. You should all leave this group"
    4. You may share a post and acknowledge the comments horrible. However, please do not ask people to spam the comment section.
  4. Fundraisers
    There is a special thread for fundraisers: Here
  5. Selfie Threads/self promo
    1. Sunday is selfie day. Post there!
    2. No introduction posts.
      1. Example: “Hi! Im Alex! He/him, really happy to be apart of this group! ” Is not allowed
      2. Example: “Hi! I’m Alex, he/him, really happy to be apart of this group. I need some help learning terms, and resources on how to come out. Any advice?” Is allowed
    3. Thursday is of course Throw Back Thursday, where trans people only post their before and after photos.
    4. Selfie threads that are allowed for educational purposes. "Here's me x years on HRT, these are the changes I saw...This was my experience with X surgery"
    5. No "look i got my first haircut!" or "just a new [clothing] !" with a picture of you attached
    6. No self promo, we'll have special threads for that. This includes friends and family too.
    7. Obviously no spam
  6. The question has already been asked or similar question had been asked recently
  7. Asking for roommates, to live with someone, or requesting to do something where you’re asking/giving people address’
    1. DO NOT try to move in or meet with anyone you just met over a Facebook group. I would hope no one in here would do anything to harm another member of this group. We cannot allow vulnerable members, especially younger ones, to meet up with a stranger they met on Facebook. `
    2. You MAY If you (a trans person) or a trans friend needs shelter of some sort, make a post about asking for resources on how to get into a homeless shelter, food, medical care, etc.
  8. Your post was already posted/something similar was already posted recently
    1. Especially if an event or a conversational thing recently happened, we may put a pause on posts similar to that topic until it has died down.
  9. Random rants
    1. We get a lot of rants that look like this: "Dear cis people why do ya'll think its ok to misgender us its not ok!! how would you like it if we did it to you!!!! i am not a girl i am a BOY!!! what don't you get about that my name is X not Y!!!! stop calling me ahfkjasfejbfef kwejfa bjfbdjfb wdjkfb........ etc etc"
    2. It’s random, confusing, no real point, just an angry rant with no context.
    3. Instead try "My parents keep misgendering me and it makes me really upset. What are some ways I can educate my parents and get them to call me X"
    4. Try providing some context as to why you are upset and if you are in need of resources to use.
    5. Random Rants may also include posts that have general common knowledge within the group and it doesn’t need to be said such as making posts to let cis people know misgendering trans people is bad. 
      1. Instead try making a post to showcase what trans people go through when we are bullied for our identities. “What have people said about your gender identity?” “What is your experience with people bullying you over your gender identity” This gives more context
      2. We want people to be able to learn from your post. Just ranting about your personal life is not helpful. Turn it into a conversation starter, Who, What, When, Where, Why, How.
  10. Support group type posts
    1. Things that are not allowed:
      1. “Just started HRT today!”
      2. “I’m so excited i’m getting surgery next week!”
      3. “Ugh I had a hard day at work, all my co workers misgendered me.”
    2. Instead try:
      1. “I just started HRT today, what are some of your experiences that aren’t talked about as much?”
      2. “Im so excited im getting surgery next week! What was your experience like?”
      3. “Ugh, I had a hard day at work, all i did was get misgendered. What are some ways to prevent it? How do you cope with getting misgendered at work?”
  11. Medical Advice
    1. No "I missed dose of HRT what do i do?" or "does this look infected" Call your doctor. Not Facebook.
    2. You may ask how HRT, blockers, and surgery work and the process of medical transitioning
  12. Just posting a link to a video without explaining what it is
    1. We don't have time to sit and watch a video each time they get posted to make sure it belongs in the group. And especially trans related videos are super long.
      Especially if its transphobic, because then we have to watch it even if we don't have the spoons to do so.
    2. No Live videos
    3. Just give a little description as to what and why you're posting it.
    4. No posting a link and just writing "thoughts?" or “opinions?"We are looking to have actual conversations in this group and looking to debunk any arguments people witness.
    5. Try "hey my [relative/friend/coworker] posted this video, how do I respond to it?" or "I've been seeing this video around, and I’m confused" etc.
  13. Posts without discussion prompts, questions, or valuable educational content. 
  14. "Does anyone else..." style posts.  
    1. "Has anyone else seen this movie? What did you think about it?" 
    2. Does anyone else think this is phobic? (these questions are best directed to the Transphobia Check mega thread which you can find here: https://soundsliketransedu.com/mega-threads/)
    3. "What's your opinion on this meme?"
Rule 10: Trans First, Listen First
  1. For the first 6 hours the comments in each thread are open only to the original poster and to trans, non-binary, and metagender persons.
    1. The point is to highlight trans voices and to give cisgender peoples a pause to listen to trans people before they speak in the thread.
    2. Many cases cis people think they are answering something correctly, however, because they do not have the experience of being trans and being active in the community, they may miss certain nuances, causing their answer to be incorrect or outdated.
  2. Cisgender individuals are expected to defer to trans voices on topics that concern transgender peoples even after the post is open for general comment.
  3. Threads may have special instructions or be open to different audiences based on poster request or admin discretion.  Please check the FIRST COMMENT in any thread for guidance on how to interact with that thread. 

Scroll to Top